


Crash

by agentsimmons



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (off screen pepper/natasha), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce Banner Feels, Bruce Banner Has Issues, Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Gen or Pre-Slash, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, POV Bruce Banner, Science Bros, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-14 18:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7185752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentsimmons/pseuds/agentsimmons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce Banner gets an odd request from his new neighbor across the hall. And it just gets odder from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crash

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a prompt on Tumblr. (AO3 hates my guts so posted this twice and idk why. I deleted the first posted copy because it wasn't even the finishe draft. Sorry for confusion.)

Bruce Banner considered himself a reasonable person. He was likable if not extraordinary. He was maybe a little aloof or introverted, but he didn't dislike people, didn't treat them badly, didn't keep them at arm's length because he enjoyed it. He just disliked getting attached to people. Which he had a bad habit of doing. Quickly. And stupidly. Okay, so maybe he wasn't a reasonable person.

But he was pretty certain even reasonable people would be standing in their doorway with the same dumbstruck, stammering, 'how the hell do I end up in these awkward and confrontational situations?' reaction as he was at the present moment.

"Could you, uh…" Bruce paused, stuck his tongue out slightly so he could bite it contemplatively, and then tried again. "Could you maybe repeat that?"

"I said," the man standing at his door repeated, "I'm your new neighbor across the hall. Tony."

"Uh huh. With you so far," Bruce commented as he looked the other man over.

He looked about Bruce's age (right at or around 30), was only a smidgen taller than himself, had almost ridiculously round brown eyes, a van dyke that would look a little tasteless on most anyone else but somehow worked on him, and dark hair styled to a point with gel. In spite of the faded jeans and Black Sabbath t-shirt over gray long-sleeve ensemble, something about this man screamed money or at least pretty boy or some other similar type that should make Bruce just slam the door shut right then and there.

"I mean, they seriously just fucked it all up," Tony was saying when Bruce returned from down the rabbit hole of checking out… no, no, making a scientific analysis for purpose of categorization of the other man. "What kind of place is this? Honestly? Anyways, I'd ask my friend Rhodey if I could bunk with him if he wasn't overseas at the moment or Pepper if she didn't ban me from ever crashing at her place again after the last time. I mean how was I supposed to know this Natasha character was her secret squeeze? I didn't even know Pep was anything other than hetero. So I'm shit out of luck if I can't find someone I can room with for a week. I don't really want to have to go running back to dear old Uncle Obi with my tail between my legs so he can say 'I told you so. Your place is here with the company and don't you forget it.' Sometimes that guy—"

"Oh my god, if I say yes, will you stop talking?" Bruce said so suddenly that it not only stopped the rambling man mid-sentence, but startled himself. He immediately reeled his exasperation and other emotions back in with a sigh. "I'm sorry. That was… rude."

"Rude?" Tony looked genuinely taken aback. "What was rude about it? You said I could crash here while they fix my apartment. That's the opposite of rude." Tony literally just waltzed right past him into Bruce's apartment as if he owned the place and it struck Bruce with full force what he'd blurted out in order to get him to stop talking. "I mean, unless you meant telling me to shut up," Tony said with a laugh and Bruce turned in disbelief to watch him walk around the small open living space in a studious manner. "But you wouldn't be the first and won't be the last. Pepper tells me to shut up at least once a day. Even when we haven't spoken. She'll just text me to shut up because she knows somewhere I'm probably talking too much." The incessant speech came to an end. Briefly. Tony stopped walking around looking at stuff and turned to look at Bruce instead. "Is 'not talking' our unofficial lease agreement? Because I've got to be honest, I could pay you a couple grand easier than I could agree not to talk for a week."

Bruce gave a surprised snort, a surprise to himself and clearly to his new neighbor who seemed to like the sound strangely enough. "Somehow I find that easy to believe," he replied.

"So…" Tony squint his eyes in a thoughtful expression and Bruce felt himself being scrutinized. "Two? Three grand for the week?"

Bruce blinked. He looked around in confusion and then back at Tony. "Wait. That was a serious offer?" Tony just stared at him as if to say, 'obviously.' "I-I… I can't accept that kind of money," Bruce stammered. "I don't even pay that much," he reasoned. His 'rich, pretty boy' instinct may not have been far off the mark however. "I'm not even sure it's legal for you to pay me anything." 

"Cost. Value. Financial rhetoric. Blah, blah, blah." Tony flapped a dismissive hand and then looked down at the couch. He looked back up and then back down a few times as if asking if he could have a seat. Bruce just shrugged helplessly and so the man sat down, one arm draping over the back of the couch. He _would_ _be_ an arm-draper. "You're helping me out so I'm more than willing to pay you for the trouble. Screw the legalities."

"Couldn't you just go to a hotel at that rate?" Bruce questioned as he sat down in the mismatched armchair that he was suddenly grateful he'd broken down and purchased because now it afforded him a little distance from the man.

"Sure," Tony said with a hitch of his shoulder. "But all of my junk is already over there since the damn landlord didn't think it reasonable enough to call me and let me know the apartment wasn't ready before I sent the movers ahead with my stuff. I'd really rather not have to pack up half of it to go to a hotel and then leave the rest unattended. At least this way I'm within—"

"Reasonable proximity," Bruce agreed with a sigh.

"Hey, look, you're already finishing my sentences," Tony replied to that with a broad smile. It was practically blinding… and looked a little familiar. "This should work out nicely."

"Right," Bruce said, less sure. On the bright side the guy wasn't talking a mile a minute anymore so maybe it was more or less a nervous tick that reared every now and then and not something that never ceased. "So, uh," Bruce couldn't believe this was happening, "the couch pulls out."

"That's good. Probably safer that way. I mean, I never do, but you know." He said it so casually and with a shrug that it took Bruce a moment to even process what his eccentric new neighbor was referring to.

"Okay…" Bruce furrowed his brow. "That was unnecessary, but okay."

"Innuendo is never unnecessary," Tony responded breezily. Bruce didn't even know how to respond to that so he wasn't going to bother. "So, you got a name? What do I call you?"

"Honestly," Bruce rolled his eyes upward and ran a hand through his brown, wavy hair that could probably use a trim, "I'm thinking 'crazy' might work."

"Mmm-nope." He looked back to see Tony pursing his lips and wagging a finger at him. He shook his head. "No. See you don't look like a 'crazy' to me. Maybe 'mad scientist' or 'sexy nerd with a hint of emo hippie' but definitely not 'crazy.'"

Bruce was well aware that his mouth was hanging open slightly and he was staring dumbly. He watched just as dumbly as Tony spotted a magazine on his coffee table and reached for it. The other man blinked at it and then that blinding smile of his was back, somehow doubly bright if that was at all possible.

Tony opened the magazine and then said, "Can I just say it's an honor to finally meet you again, Dr. Banner?"

Now Bruce was certain he was dreaming. This was all some really weird, lucid dream. Maybe he'd bought the wrong tea or something. Tony looked up from the magazine, waiting for a response. Bruce didn't have one.

"Just as articulate as ever I see," the man teased with a small chortle and then returned his attention to the magazine. "Really? Hammer? The guy's tech is a hackneyed copy of other peoples' tech." Bruce furrowed his brow at the way Tony— Oh. Oh? No, it wasn't possible. Was it? "Just lost a little respect for the ol' alma mater, not gonna lie."

"Fuck," Bruce breathed out before he could stop himself. Tony looked up at him in surprise.

"Are you asking?" Tony raised one eyebrow higher than the other curiously.

"What?" Bruce blinked. " _What?_ No, no, I—" Well, _that_ certainly explained a lot, he thought. "I just realized who you are, is all," he told him honestly.

"Okay." Tony seemed unfazed. He then shrugged. "Doesn't mean couldn't have been asking because you did realize," he reasoned as he closed the magazine and tossed it back on the coffee table.

"Why the hell didn't you lead with your full name?" Bruce felt like it was a reasonable question that would direct the subject away from hypothetical propositions.

Tony snorted. "Yeah, I'm sure that would have gone well. Here, see, let me try it: Hi, I'm Tony Stark, your new neighbor across the hall. Yes, that Tony Stark. My apartment is all fucked up so can I live with you for about a week? What? No, I'm _not_ trying to get into your pants." He paused. "Yet." Bruce blinked. "Yes, I'm rich. Sort of. It's currently way more complicated than it should be. Why am I living here? No, I didn't have a mental breakdown or get disowned. I'm not hiding from the press. I—"

"Okay, okay," Bruce held up a hand. He was trying to process everything and still having a hard time without Tony switching back to 'never shuts up' mode. "I get it. I mean, I _don't_ get it. But…" He shook his head and stood to his feet. He needed something to calm his nerves. He went to the kitchen and put on a kettle of water. "You'll excuse me if I need a minute to compute how it is I'm suddenly neighbors with Tony Stark and how he's in my apartment."

"Look, I'm just Tony," he said in response and stood to his feet. As if the guy didn't understand the idea of distance or personal space, he came over to the kitchen as well. "I wasn't exactly expecting to knock on Bruce Banner's door either."

"It's just Bruce," Bruce echoed his sentiment and then turned and looked at him in confusion. "And how do you know me?" Tony tilted his head forward in a condescending way. "Fine, how do you _remember_ me? We only met once in, in college. We were practically kids." Bruce threw up his hands a little and then reached for some tea. "We didn't even meet, meet. It was, what? One night? At that stupid Brightest of Cambridge ceremony." He shook his head, trying to forget how angry he'd been that nobody there had actually cared about anything he'd accomplished. He and a few others were just there so it didn't look like only the alumni's kids, the Tony Starks of MIT and Harvard, were being honored. "I think you said five words to me maximum."

"Please tell me you have other things to drink. At least until I can go buy some stuff," Tony said with a grimace.

"There's water," Bruce deadpanned.

Tony sighed. "I remember important people," he explained. "Adulthood is a good look on you, by the way," he said as if that was an important point to make amidst everything else. "Definitely didn't recognize you. And I would have said more than five words if you hadn't acted like I was going to swallow you whole. I hope you know I'm ignoring an unnecessary, but also very necessary, innuendo right now."

Bruce sighed next and his head fell back on his shoulders slightly. He shook it gently. He didn't know if Tony Stark was infuriating or amusing. Maybe both and wasn't _that_ just the kind of poison Bruce didn't need. "I'm not important."

"Not important?" Tony scoffed. "Your various theses _alone_ were unparalleled, Banner. The one on antielectron collision? Brilliant. What do you _mean_ you're not important?"

Bruce flinched. "Yeah, super important." He gave a derisive snort. "So important that my only post-doc options were ethically questionable military projects and expendable college professor." He shook his head and turned off his stove. He then turned and looked at Tony. He was surprised to see a genuine frown on his face. "I decided I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I went down the first path and, well, as I said. Expendable."

"So you just gave up?" Tony looked confused. Bruce contemplated whether or not to share more about his life with the mostly-stranger, but couldn't stop himself. As long as they had to deal with each other for a week, he reasoned feebly...

"No, I moved on," Bruce answered, pouring his tea. He then reached into his refrigerator and pulled out the lone beer still there from his last really big mistake. He held it out for Tony to take. The genius seemed to be eyeing it like he wasn't sure. Bruce shrugged and set it on the counter. To his surprise Tony then picked it up eagerly. He bit down on a sigh because he really didn't have the time or temperament to deal with the man's obvious neuroses. "I help people," he said, maybe a little ironically following his previous line of thought. "I work a crummy job like everyone else. I try to be a good person. I hold doors open for people. I follow traffic laws. I'm just your average Joe. And when I need science I spend my free time volunteering as a tutor and mentor at the community center for kids who are into science, but have schools that care more about sports and money than supporting them or… or who don't have families that support their talents. That's what I do now. It's not revolutionary or worthy of the MIT Technology Review, but it's fine and I'm happy."

_Lonely, but happy._

It was a stray thought that had no business being there so he quickly put it back in the compartment it belonged in. He was fine being alone. He liked being alone, he told himself. Better alone than reminded that having feelings hurt and that he wasn't one of those lucky beings who got everything he wanted in life. Or much of _anything_ he wanted in life.

"Then maybe you can teach me a thing or two," Tony said somberly, a little (or a lot) to Bruce's surprise. He watched the man stride back over to the couch and flop down on it like he'd always been there.  He looked comfortable if not wholly at ease as he took a swig from the beer bottle and then looked down with an almost rueful look. "Because I don't know a damn thing about being happy."

Everything about the scene caused a familiar, traitorous twinge in Bruce's chest as the compartments in his head threatened to break open again. God, he really wished he knew how to be a reasonable person.

**Author's Note:**

> Original Prompt:‘Yeah I’m sorry to bother you but I’m your new neighbor in the apartment across the hall and management completely fucked it up so do you mind if I pretty much live out of here until it’s fixed’
> 
> For now this is just a gen (but let's be real PRE-SLASH) oneshot. But I may do the full romcomish week when I get time. Until then, I just couldn't resist doing something real quick with this prompt. I'm also doing a Cherik one for it that's already a little bit longer. If it were to continue, Tony's reason for being there and possibly a little more about them clandestinely meeting again would be included.


End file.
